Giving Up and Getting More

So when I gave up my dream job to stay home with my kids, I knew I'd be giving up more than just the work.

I gave up money, and with it the ability to buy every t-shirt or fundraiser item offered without considering whether we'd have enough money to buy the thousands of gallons of milk required to nourish the kids who inhabit our home. I gave up the ability to pick up dinner on the way home (after picking up kids in three different locations) because no matter how convenient it is, convenience sometimes comes at too high a price when you're trying to live on one income.

I also gave up freedom. There is a freedom that comes with going to the office every day. That freedom includes being able to walk down the hall without hearing someone call your name over and over and over again. It can also mean going to the bathroom without being followed, though not always*. Then there's the freedom to complete a thought and to spend more than 10 minutes on any one task.

I gave up affirmation. You know, the "oh, you're a ...." When you work, you are easily pigeonholed. You wear a suit so you must be smart, articulate, and capable. You are asked to sit on a committee. When you stay home, people just can't figure out how to classify you anymore. You stay home with kids so you're perfect to work in the nursery!

I gave up the roses when I left my dream job. But I also left behind the thorns.

I left behind the chaos. I loved working. I loved my job. I did not love the chaos that was caused by my work schedule. If I was scheduled to go to court, then I had no choice but to go. If it snowed or if someone got sick on a court day, David would have to stay home. That was not good thing for his job, especially since his work also involves some travel.

I left behind the panic. I did not love panicking every time the sitter's son was ill and she couldn't take Will, or the forecast was calling for snow. Court is not cancelled when the weather is bad, even if schools are!

I left behind making do. It was horrible to be so busy that I couldn't pay close enough attention to what was happening in my kids' classrooms and schools. Since I stopped working I've been blessed with being able to help out in every grade from preschool through 4th grade, and get to know my kids' teachers.

I left behind spending 2-3 hours in the van every day driving to and from sitters, schools & work and getting home after 6 every night, still to face dinner prep and homework. No time for just being with the kids, not to mention being able to spend any time with my husband.

I left behind the guilt of never letting my kids have playdates or participate in after school activities. If I was working they were in aftercare. If I wasn't working then we had errands to run or things to do at home. Keeping up with what had to be done was a constant battle. Anything not considered crucial fell by the wayside and stayed there.

I'd like to say I left behind a cluttered house. If I left it behind, then it found me again, because it's still there! It's a work in progress!

I left behind most of the crankiness! I was cranky so much of the time that I was able to be with my kids because I knew I still faced hours of court prep before the next morning. Too much work and no sleep make for a really cranky mother! That is no way to raise a family.

So, I know I gave up a lot. But I have gotten so much more.

I know my kids. I know their friends. We are able to have fun, and laugh, and play. There is time to think about homework. There's time to bake cookies and paint pictures. There is time to read together. There is time for taking walks and playing sports. Our time at home is less rushed and much more pleasant. I guess there's also time to clean the house, but I think that time will come later!

Life is about so much more than making a living.

It's about being there when your daughter makes her first goal, even if it doesn't count. It's about taking the time to watch your boy walk on the wall instead of hurrying him along. It's about being able to take the time to sit and have cocoa with your kids on a wintry day!

It's about being there when they need you.

Someday I know I'll be working again. Four kids + College = No brainer. In the meantime I'm enjoying my time with them at home.


*The judge that I clerked for after law school used to follow his secretary to (not into!) the bathroom and bang on the door until she came back out!